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1 : a psychosis characterized by systematized delusions of persecution or grandeur usually without hallucinations
2 : a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others
My apologies to the medical profession (and to anyone suffering from this- I do not mean to offend) but today I want to to write about how this tendency can overtake even a sensible person like me when it comes to writing.
Delusions of grandeur - let us admit it. I suspect all of ff authors have that secret image of us on some book show talkng about our story. We are being touted as the next greatest writer of our time. Ok, maybe not that far but I suspect secretly we all see ourselves as successful even if we never publish even through a vanity publisher.
but sometimes definition number two hits an otherwise normal gal when her visions of grandeur are robbed from her. Yes, I am talking about my bit of paranoia happening when someone posts a story within 30 minutes after me. Courtesy rules ask you wait at least an hour. I try to give two if not three hours. Having your story appear on the main board does equate to a few extra clicks and numbers in your view count. So when someone overposts your chapter with theirs then your time in the sun is lost and so is your chance for getting a larger view count.
Ok, now the paranoia comes in when you begin to believe it is deliberate, that a whole slew of other authors have formed this secret society to bring you down. Why would they do that?
Well, the answer leads back to definition 1 - delusions of persecution or grandeur. How can I have grandeur if a secret society is going about to sabotage my postings. they met with text messages and personal messages. they have a pact bound with secret codes. they take turns so it will not look obvious.
OK so you see when my 16th post out of 19 was overposted you can guess my personal feelings about the situation. Why my visions of grandeur were being defeated!
So how can this normally calm cool headed person become nutsy? Believe me frustration can do much to a person. So when Anghaine (Elizabeth Hooten) whom I know has no clue about my paranoia posted in less than 30 minutes over mine, I sent her a message entitled "Is there a consipiracy?"
I recall the old Mel Gibson movie by that name. He was right in the movie so I must be right in the JAFF world of writers.
Last night I promptly apologized to Elizabeth. In a public chat room none the less. I went a little nuts and she admitted her story had suffered from the same problem. 10 minutes for her.
Well, the answer my friend is blowing in the wind, the answer is blowing in the wind. How many times can our posts stand alone? How many times can it be first? the answer my friend is blowing in the wind, the answer is blowing in the wind. Sorry that is the song that popped in my head.
Now that I am back on earth and have my feet firmly stuck in the mud I realize what has happened. I have spent my recent time on a chapter about secret clubs and I let it overtake my mind. Just as the characters in the story do.
Postings, comments, view counts. JAFF writers do not have book sales to bolster them, we have postings, comments, and view counts. And that is why we stress over them so much. that is why we anxiously await any response. That is why we keep tabs on the numbers of views (it is the only way to count lurkers). That is why we notice when a regular poster does not post. We see our worthiness dropping. We begin to feel our story is boring, the writing is horrid, and the characters are one dimensional.
When I started this story I told myself this story would not be as well received as others because it is not a romance. It is not all D&E. The first half of the story focuses on new characters and many people coming to the sites only want to read more about their favorite couple. I suspected I would lose readers and let us face it I have. My view counts have dropped from 850 (my first post) to last week's 400. That is more than half. (where is my math professor reader to help me out here? lol) My commenters have fallen as well.
But the glass is half full. I have a steady following and some of my posts are from lurkers and people that praise my story in elegant ways. I have a loyal following of regulars. and these are from women (and one occasional male poster) I admire and wish to emulate. In this diet crazed world a half full glass is just what the doctor ordered. And no one fills a glass with expensive scotch and that is how I feel about my fans. They are like my $75 bottle of Oban scotch.
Just think I reacted this way right after writing yesterday's blog that I was finished with obsessing about the view counts. I guess not. lol I cannot fool my fingers. they type just about anything they want I just sit there and read along with the rest of you.
I shall conquer this!
2 : a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others
My apologies to the medical profession (and to anyone suffering from this- I do not mean to offend) but today I want to to write about how this tendency can overtake even a sensible person like me when it comes to writing.
Delusions of grandeur - let us admit it. I suspect all of ff authors have that secret image of us on some book show talkng about our story. We are being touted as the next greatest writer of our time. Ok, maybe not that far but I suspect secretly we all see ourselves as successful even if we never publish even through a vanity publisher.
but sometimes definition number two hits an otherwise normal gal when her visions of grandeur are robbed from her. Yes, I am talking about my bit of paranoia happening when someone posts a story within 30 minutes after me. Courtesy rules ask you wait at least an hour. I try to give two if not three hours. Having your story appear on the main board does equate to a few extra clicks and numbers in your view count. So when someone overposts your chapter with theirs then your time in the sun is lost and so is your chance for getting a larger view count.
Ok, now the paranoia comes in when you begin to believe it is deliberate, that a whole slew of other authors have formed this secret society to bring you down. Why would they do that?
Well, the answer leads back to definition 1 - delusions of persecution or grandeur. How can I have grandeur if a secret society is going about to sabotage my postings. they met with text messages and personal messages. they have a pact bound with secret codes. they take turns so it will not look obvious.
OK so you see when my 16th post out of 19 was overposted you can guess my personal feelings about the situation. Why my visions of grandeur were being defeated!
So how can this normally calm cool headed person become nutsy? Believe me frustration can do much to a person. So when Anghaine (Elizabeth Hooten) whom I know has no clue about my paranoia posted in less than 30 minutes over mine, I sent her a message entitled "Is there a consipiracy?"
I recall the old Mel Gibson movie by that name. He was right in the movie so I must be right in the JAFF world of writers.
Last night I promptly apologized to Elizabeth. In a public chat room none the less. I went a little nuts and she admitted her story had suffered from the same problem. 10 minutes for her.
Well, the answer my friend is blowing in the wind, the answer is blowing in the wind. How many times can our posts stand alone? How many times can it be first? the answer my friend is blowing in the wind, the answer is blowing in the wind. Sorry that is the song that popped in my head.
Now that I am back on earth and have my feet firmly stuck in the mud I realize what has happened. I have spent my recent time on a chapter about secret clubs and I let it overtake my mind. Just as the characters in the story do.
Postings, comments, view counts. JAFF writers do not have book sales to bolster them, we have postings, comments, and view counts. And that is why we stress over them so much. that is why we anxiously await any response. That is why we keep tabs on the numbers of views (it is the only way to count lurkers). That is why we notice when a regular poster does not post. We see our worthiness dropping. We begin to feel our story is boring, the writing is horrid, and the characters are one dimensional.
When I started this story I told myself this story would not be as well received as others because it is not a romance. It is not all D&E. The first half of the story focuses on new characters and many people coming to the sites only want to read more about their favorite couple. I suspected I would lose readers and let us face it I have. My view counts have dropped from 850 (my first post) to last week's 400. That is more than half. (where is my math professor reader to help me out here? lol) My commenters have fallen as well.
But the glass is half full. I have a steady following and some of my posts are from lurkers and people that praise my story in elegant ways. I have a loyal following of regulars. and these are from women (and one occasional male poster) I admire and wish to emulate. In this diet crazed world a half full glass is just what the doctor ordered. And no one fills a glass with expensive scotch and that is how I feel about my fans. They are like my $75 bottle of Oban scotch.
Just think I reacted this way right after writing yesterday's blog that I was finished with obsessing about the view counts. I guess not. lol I cannot fool my fingers. they type just about anything they want I just sit there and read along with the rest of you.
I shall conquer this!
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