Showing and Telling

I try to present my story in a "showing" way. I still suck at the action beats-- too much eye movements and sighing and well simple stuff. I have to really work on improving that part of my writing. I will because I do not like tellling. I thought in the beginning that showing meant you showed body actions. I did not equate it to thoughts.

I remember once taking a paragraph where Lord Blake is with Elizabeth. I had his thoughts but not his actions. Here it is before I worked on showing and my final paragraph that I posted.

Telling:

Lord Blake relaxed as he returned her smile. They kept their eyes looking at the path before them as they continued walking. He was tempted to caress her hand atop his arm since it was within so easy of a reach. He stared hard but did not do so. He did, however, place his free hand behind his back and squeezed it repeatedly.

Sbowing:

Lord Blake relaxed as he returned her smile. Trying to keep his eyes on the path ahead, he, however, found himself staring hard at her hand. It was within so easy of a reach, but he merely placed his free hand behind his back and squeezed it repeatedly.

As you see, the showing does give a much better picture in your mind. You understand immediately what is going thru his mind - he want to touch that hand.

so which one do you like better? gayle wants to know!

Of course, a real writer could turn even this paragraph on its head. lol

Well, as Chapter 24 is posted you will see I used a bit of Telling for this chapter. I think it is because I can't stand Collins or Wickham. but i worry I did a disservice to my readers. Should I not use any talent for showing (even if it is still in the novice stage) to present these men? Sometimes I think I such a "Jane". Any showing of these men would make me have to reveal even more horrid aspects of their characters than I did.

I am a beta to another new author - lol - we are learning together. Hope it is not the case of the blind leading the blind! I have the same feelings for her story as I do mine -- I want her to succeed in her storytelling too. Now her story is a modern (which I have only read a couple of moderns) and has pushed me to try my hand at one myself. Unlike her steamy hot story (and this time I actually had to read the steamy parts) mine will still be subdued. Perhaps she will encourage me to add a sex scene or two (she does think I have the talent for it) but I prefer to let a good story stand alone. Well, for my comfort zone that is. We work hard on the showing side of things. And humor. and the aww factor and the tension and suspense. But there is some pretty damn hot scenes in it as well.

On to polishing Chapter 28. It will take some work but the flow is finally right and I even converted a telling scene into a showing one so, I am off. I need to post today and I will try not to hold breath until someone posts a comment. lol

gayle