Moods

Today I shall discuss moods. I remember once I had a mood ring. It was always black and never turned colors for me. lol Everyone said I was dead although I was walking and talking.

My moods are easily determined. I am either happy (which is most days) or not. I do have a temper but it comes and goes quickly and I am Darcy-like in that once my good opinion is lost it is lost for good. I do not hold grudges per say (is that how you spell persay?) but I just don't care if that person exists. I don't try to get even or do vengeful things, I just don't give a damn about them at all. I don't care if they are happy, or hurt, or sad, or anything. Much the way I think about my ex-husband. I really don't know what he is doing nor do I care. I don't care if he makes a lot of money and lives in a fine house. I don't care if he is poor and lives in a hovel. this is why I know the opposite of love is indifference. When I hated him I still loved him. I feel nothing more than I feel when I look at the strange person in the photo frame.

I did teach my sons to respect their father (although I did teach them to keep their wallets at home when they went to visit. Their father is a compulsive gambler. Perhaps that is why I understand Blake's father so well. I will not write on and on about the character flaw but I can write from experience. Live with a gambler is not a pretty one. So when you read about Blake's father the words I speak are true. My ex and I attended those meetings for gamblers and their families - sorta like the alcholics - but all it did was open my eyes to the dangers the future held. Now my ex did not take gambling to the worse extremes but close. He has to make his own way in life as do I. I chose to do so without him. Hence, I raised my sons alone since they were 2 and 3. And once we separated, I found a happiness I had lost.

I had been depressed and many miracles happened to save me from myself. I remember sitting in the kitchen with a my coffee thinking about how horrid my life had become when all of a sudden I found I was on the phone making an appointment with my prior office for work. good gosh, what had I done! Two little babies and no car to get there. But I found my answers and returned to work and discovered a career. I have no recollection of dialing the number (and thank goodness the phone was connected because it usually was not) so I have always viewed it as the hand of God.

It was in that kitchen and that house where my life changed. Why did I think of this in a blog about moods. Well it was that kitchen where my mood ring was stolen by the young boy next door. He was breaking into people's homes, eating their food, and pilforing small items. I caught him and spoke to his mother. She was a single mom at the time. We worked out a punishment for him but I learned several weeks later another neighbor was not so kind. She called the cops and the poor boy was taken into custody. I often wonder if the boy turned out ok. I often wonder it that was the hand of God too. Did the boy need some stronger punishment because what I did apparently was of not help.

So moods, mood rings, and the hand of God.

Well so much for this strange little ramble today.

till tomorrow

gayle